As I was waiting for a client to arrive, and receiving regular (but untrue, as it turned out) updates as to the progress of their journey, I thought about how this can really damage an individual’s self-confidence.
After all, part of us knows when we are being untruthful, and discounts our own worth in exact proportion. It’s as though we know that we are right not to trust (or have confidence in) ourselves. Especially when we don’t deserve it!
The same is true of our intentions – how many New Year’s Resolutions fade away by the 2nd of January? I realised this during a workshop exercise many years ago when the facilitator asked us the difference between an ‘intention’ and a ‘resolution’. For me there was none, and I was (amusingly) confused by the question to start with. They are both the same for me, I simply do what I intend to do. Nothing else makes sense to me! If I’m unwilling, or not ready, to do a thing……then I don’t. Not until I have all I need, and it feels right.
And once I have all that I need, and feel ready…..then I can simply……start the intention. Effortless really!
Here are my top tips for boosting your self-confidence – in action. See how well you can put them into practice!
1) Always do what you say you will do. Walk your talk. This is my number one tip. If I’m not sure, then I will say so. I never fully commit to a thing that is not absolutely within my control and ability. This gives me tremendous self- confidence, in that I am right to trust myself, completely.
2) Stop remembering struggles, difficulties and failures, start remembering achievements, accomplishments and successes. Your unconscious mind just doesn’t understand time, so when you dwell on past occurrences, then a powerful part of you believes you are reliving this event. Over and over again. Great if that’s a positive experience you have chosen to reinforce!
3) Course-correct for success, not failure. Act according to your desired outcomes, achievements and goals. Stop catastrophising! Learn to look ahead and anticipate where course corrections might be needed, and always be heading towards what you want.
4) Take personal responsibility. If you fail or you’re late or you forget, own up. Ask yourself ‘what could I have done differently?’ If the answer is always nothing, or ‘yes, but’ style justifications, then you will continue to disappoint yourself and others. And part of you knows why.
5) Plan to succeed and act according to that plan. Just Accept it. And Expect it. And be Grateful for it – in advance of receiving it! This one strategy alone will dramatically change your default state.
6) Surround yourself with support – books, recordings, poems, quotes, films, people etc. Anyone or anything that inspires and motivates you. Have fun while exploring both simple and complex delights.
7) Practice positivity, not negativity! Cultivate an ‘attitude of gratitude’ about yourself and your life. In any given moment, check your stream of thoughts, feelings, actions. Do you feel good? What wonderful thing might happen soon? And what would be even better than that?
8) Think about PPPPPPP! Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. Another tried and tested tip. Whether its going shopping, going for an interview, or going on a date, ask yourself: “How do I need to prepare for this? What outcome do I WANT? What do I need to practice, learn or research? What is the best state/attitude/thoughts and feelings for me to have?’
9) Stop ‘trying’ and start ‘doing’. ‘Trying’ is just an advance excuse for failure. Master Yoda put it so elegantly in Star Wars. ‘There is no TRY. You do, or do not (do a thing)’.
10) Avoid the temptation to ‘just give up’ or go into ‘freefall’. That never works out well, and is just an excuse for self-indulgence and negative reinforcement!
Copyright © NLP Changeworks 2014