As I was waiting for a client to arrive, and receiving regular (but untrue, as it turned out) updates as to the progress of their journey, I thought about how this can really damage an individual's self-confidence.
After all, part of us knows when we are being untruthful, and discounts our own worth in exact proportion. It's as though we know that we are right not to trust (or have confidence in) ourselves. Especially when we don't deserve it!
The same is true of our intentions – how many New Year's Resolutions fade away by the 2nd of January? I realised this during a workshop exercise many years ago when the facilitator asked us the difference between an 'intention' and a 'resolution'. For me there was none, and I was (amusingly) confused by the question to start with. They are both the same for me, I simply do what I intend to do. Nothing else makes sense to me! If I'm unwilling, or not ready, to do a thing……then I don't. Not until I have all I need, and it feels right. more….
Jeannie was a bright and intelligent 17 year old, a rather frail looking girl, around 27 pounds under her expected normal body weight. So, not quite in the life-threatening stakes as yet, but with concerns from her parents and herself that she might be heading in that direction.
Nothing else she or her family had tried seemed to have helped her, only reinforcing her issues. Her mother was very worried about the behavioural aspects of all this weight loss, and concerned that she really wasn’t eating enough, was exercising too much, eating the wrong kinds of foods, obsessing about her image, and her health was suffering as a result of this.
When Jeannie spoke to me on the phone about her own concerns, it was as though they belonged to someone else, as though she ‘should be thinking this way’, and ‘feeling this way’, but it was only ever expressed as a detached attitude or a thought, and didn’t really seem to be a deep part of who she was. more….
Many clients approach me with a phobia of an everyday event, thing, situation or experience. For example, a fear of flying. In my initial conversation, either by phone or at a first meeting, I will often define the difference between a fear, a phobia, and anxiety. This can be really helpful for the client, and myself as a practitioner in knowing how to treat this. My definitions are:
A FEAR is something that we are unsure about or afraid of, and apprehensive as to how we may react or perform in action. A FEAR is often logical and rational (a fear of falling), and happens in the present moment of experience – whilst doing or being near what we fear. Courage is required, and often the individual appears cool, calm and collected to onlookers. Read more…